PEARL.

A precious thing; the finest example of something.

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Passionate. Evolving. Adventurous. Reckless. Loving.

Those adjectives describes parts of myself that makes me whole.

When I was 15 my cousin gave me the nickname Pearl. Initially I hated it. As I grew older I started to embrace my nickname as part of who I am.

“A pearl begins its life as a foreign object, such as a parasite or piece of sand, that by accident lodges itself in the oyster’s soft inner body… As long as the irritant remains within its body, the oyster will continue to secrete nacre around the irritant, layer upon layer.”

We start out as nothing, to ultimately become something. Like an oyster creating a pearl, I have layers upon layers. I am passionate in my christianity, hobbies, interest and just with LIFE itself. I am evolving day by day into the women God has set me up to be. Adventure is what I long for. I am adventurous in everything I do. Whether it be within travel, my professional life or in the personal relationships I have. I am reckless with my heart, mind and soul. I jump without thinking about the consequnces. For me, its all or nothing no matter what I will face in the end.  Love is everything in life, Its all that matters. Its what everyone craves and wants. I am loving of everyone and everything. I Love with my whole heart, and with that comes damage. I am acceptable of the damage I may cause my heart. I know I give more love than I receive. I will always love with my whole heart even if its cracked, bruised, and barley pumping.

A Pearl is unique, valuable yet priceless and has its own beauty and shine.

I am unique. I am valuable. I am priceless. I have beauty and I shine.

Diamonds and Pearls are created to be discovered.

I don’t want to be someones diamond in the rough. Everyone searches for a diamond. But not everyone sees the beauty in a single pearl.

One day someone will hold there breath, jump and dive down into the rough waters to find me. 

 

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Ive heard that some believe that pearls were formed by the passage of angels through the clouds of heaven. Over time, the pearl has become the symbol of purity and innocence. 

 

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An open letter to the man God is saving for me..

“To be fully known and fully loved the way that Christ loves the church.”

I don’t know who you are, or what you are going through right now. I might of met you before. We could of went to high school together, maybe you’re that guy I passed by at the gas station. You might be many states away or live two miles from me. I have no idea. But whatever you are doing or what you’re going through in your life at the moment, I hope you are searching for Jesus in everything you do. I Pray every night for you. I pray you are putting all your focus into becoming a better man, a better christian man. I Pray for your family and friends, for God to be watching over and protecting them. 

God has blessed me with a HUGE heart for his people. I desire to become a better christian for him, me and you. He created us and I will prove to him my love and faith. I pray that you are falling passionately in love with Jesus every single moment. I pray you are surrounded and influneced by other brothers in Christ.

I want you to know well that I’m absolutely in love with love. The day I lay eyes on you, I can guarantee you will have my heart for the rest of eternity. My heart is full of love, faith and Jesus. I think of you all the time, and I mean all the time. Sometimes I get really impatient, but then I realize that God is waiting until we are both ready and when HE wants us to be together. I see couples everywhere and automatically picture us together, doing all the silly little things couples do. I will need you to understand that I’ll be a work in progress.  I pray you extend grace to me and forgive me for my sins and ways. I pray you extend grace as I struggle against my insecurities and comparison. I pray you love me like Jesus does.

I pray you resist temptation. We live in a sinful world, so I pray you resist the temptations that are thrown your way. I pray that you guard not only your heart, but also your eyes and mind. I pray that you value women and everyone around you. I pray that you war against lust. I pray you are grounded in truth. 

I pray you think of me. I pray that you know I am out here in a little town in South Georgia thinking about you all the time, praying for you, and yearns for you. God is taking his time on both of us, making sure everything is perfect for when we do meet and fall in love

I look forward to my future with you. Introducing you to my parents, my friends. Traveling and making new memories with you. Growing with you as partners. I look forward to seeking and serving the Lord alongside of you for the rest of our lives.

I vow to you that we will never stop loving each other. I vow that we will never give up. I vow to never leave your side in any hard times we may face. I vow we will seek the Lord in everything we do. I vow we will lead each other and our children in truth and light.

And the Lord God said, ” It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”   -Genesis 2:28

Two are better than one. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. -Ecclesiastes 4:9

With much love, Your future wife.

Right timing..

Its now 3am and insomnia hits me as I’ve been trying to “go to sleep” for hours. Lately its been all the little things that has been getting me down, especially since we are mid in the holiday seasons and love is in the air. First off I’m 21, almost 22 born and raised in a semi-small town in southern Georgia. If you’re from the South then you should understand the pressure of the more traditional side of  “whats suppose to happen.” You know after high school everyone you know falls in love, settles down, gets married, and starts their own little family.  Let me quote some lyrics from Kacey Musgraves song, Merry Go’ Round.

“If you aint got two kids by 21,

You’re probably gonna die alone.

Least thats what tradition told you.”

That basically sums up one of the main southern traditions. Which don’t get me wrong, its not a negative thing. I do agree with it, but also i disagree with it. In my mind of course thats what I want and look for. However for me personally, not at this age and moment in my life do I really want that. I know most of my childhood friends are in serious relationships, on the verge of marriage, engaged, have kids or just announce they are expecting. My mom already makes jokes about wanting grandkids because all her friends have them already haha. Thats when I point to my older sister who’s already married! Out of my sisters, and my girlfriends I’m the only one left who’s single, and to top that off Ive never even been in a relationship.

 I don’t even know what love is, and I struggle with that. Ever since I became the age of actually liking boys, Ive struggle with WANTING to have someone like everyone else. I crave the affection and love I see others have. I want it. What person doesn’t long to have someone special ? Someone to always be there for you, someone to give you the affection you need. Growing up and sometimes still even on my bad days I ask myself millions of questions, like “Why doesn’t he like me?”  Am I not good enough, small enough, or pretty enough for him? WHATS WRONG WITH ME ? Honestly my generation of guys are to caught up in having a perfect women. Someone who has the beauty, body of fitness models and the charm. So many guys care way to much on outside appearance than the inside. Basically most guys are shallow. I’ll never forget the comment this guy  (I was crushing on) said to me when I was 17. “I like you chelsey, but I care to much of what people think.” and I asked, ” what do you mean by that?” and he went on to explained ( in a nice way ) how he basically wouldn’t date me, because I wasn’t skinny enough and he cares to much of his friends opinions. That affected me in so many ways, it still does and honestly it will for along time. I mean what girl / women wouldn’t take that the wrong way. Especially girls who fight a constant battle with weight and body appearance? Girls, ladies, and women at all ages already have enough pressure from social media, the world, and especially guys on how you “should” look to be desirable. What’s beautiful and what’s not. What you need to ” change or fix” to look that way. They don’t care if you do it the healthy way or the unhealthy way. There are to many critics, to many opinions, on how WE should be. It’s so hard, and extremely difficult for all women to deal with. I pray and I hope this changes. I PRAY that girls or even men will never have to go through or ever havethese feelings. 

Now back to my need, or I shall say WANT of love and affection. I do think everyone needs love in their life, and in some form everyone does receive love whether they know it or not.  GOD, loves all his children. No matter what we look like or act like. ” God looks into the heart.” 1samuel 16:7. He loves us, HE CREATED US. I’m blessed to know and expirence his love and grace he has for me. I know I’m not content with my body or confidence and that is something I have to worl on. It’s a struggle but I know I have gods help. I thank him daily for everything he HAS, IS and WILL put my through. The GOOD and the BAD. Because it’s all in HIS plan, and it’s his process to make me the into the women HE wants me to be. 

I know God had someone for everyone, a soulmate for each and every person.

 I’m willing to go through what he wants me to, so one day I will find him when God wants me to and how he wants me to. 

“There is a time for everything.” Ecclesiastes 3:1-8. 
 

Searching for the wrong things.

Because, maybe, you searched for too much love and sought less for GOD. Till this day I still crave for affection and to be loved by someone special I’m only human. However, I finally stopped searching. I use to search constantly, trying to find a boyfriend. Meeting people from online, parties, from friends of friends, anywhere really. I wanted what everyone else had. I thought something must be wrong with me being 21 and never having a boyfriend. When people use to ask me why, I always said “oh well, the ones I like never like me.” Or ” I’m just to picky.” When one day I woke up and realized its all in HIS plan for ME. I always knew that deep down, but fought with it. I had to just let it sink in, and stop trying to do what I wanted. I was walking against the path he had laid out for me to follow. I was to caught up in everything I wanted for myself, being selfish. HE has a plan for me with my life. HE has someone amazing chosen just for me. HE knows the time, place, and reason for all of those and not only for myself, HE has all of those for you to if you listen, and follow him. Let him guide you where HE wants YOU. The only thing you need to search for is HIM, and just let him work on you. 

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

“Do you think its possible that some people are born to give more love then they will ever get back in return?”

 Tyler Knott Gregson wrote this beautiful quote. The way I see it, is as a question to yourself. I really relate to this question, a question I’ve tried asking myself a million times.  For me personally I do think some people are born to give more love then they will ever get back in return and I find myself being one of those people who will never really get the amount of love I blindly give to everyone. Honestly it took me along time to be able to be content with that outcome. I realize I put so much love, time and effort into each and every person in my life and it seems like they don’t spend much time and effort on me. Which use to upset me, but now Im okay with that. Actually I’m blessed to be that way, because I know I receive the most and the best of love from my GOD. It took me time to understand that everyone doesn’t or can’t love the same. He showed me what love really is and I am blessed to be able to say that I will always have his unconditional love.